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So I've been splitting my time between two schools less than two blocks from each other.
At one school I work 25 hours per week. The walls are a cheerful blend of pastel hues, interactive computers in all class rooms, and the bathrooms smell like lavender. My students are a hodgepodge of retirees, young professionals, and jaded teenagers. I feel a strong repoire with my pupils and I believe that while my classes are unorthodox and I fly by the seat of my pants, I've explained them the essentials they need to learn English, for example last class I gave a tutorial on to how to form the "English, Shminglish form." I explained that if someone wanted to modestly dismiss a compliment the grammatically correct way to do this was to say the word immediately followed by the Shm-ing prefix. The students were slow at first but after the 3 hour lecture which further developed the idea I believe they can now use the form correctly. Anyways the school is professional, and I believe that while it is lax, the environment is conducive to learning. It feels like they should be serving Yoo-hoo the chocolate beverage.
The other school also has pastel colored walls, and there is also a potpourri scent emanating from the bathroom, however my luck has been less than savory there. My first student was preparing for a English test called the IELTS. I have prepared students for this test before, and they have passed. The IELTS is a high level test for proving academic and work proficiency. Therefore mere mortals need not apply. I was teaching a student in the class using a book and was painstakingly making headway page by page, before she fired me. She said I wasn't prepared and I needed to grade more outside of class. So be it. The second bunch of students I had at this school were a fun group. In fact the secretary often had to come and close the door because of our incessant rowdiness. I was told the class wanted a conversation intensive program, so I brought materials,then sent me a harmless e-mail saying that they in fact wanted a grammatically intensive class so I complied and shifted directions. Often they would ask confusing questions like when should we use shall? I bet no American has ever learned that in an English class before, so I right then and there consulted grammar girl, a popular grammar resource on the web. I constantly do this in class to reiterate to my students that Americans don't learn grammar- per se- we learn the difference between a metaphor and a simile. The truth is, I've truly only begun learning English grammar since becoming an English teacher a little under one year ago. Anyways sometimes I want to tell my students their questions are stupid, but, that would be mean and I don't wish to be. Anyways the group changed their minds again, they got frustrated when I gave them a 5 minute tutorial as to how to use the F-word. Because while this tricky four letter word is desired by every Brazilian who has ever seen an American actor slip the F-Bomb between every other word, when used incorrectly it can certainly make the speaker look like quite the fool. So I explained that the F-word can be an

adjective, This blog is a fucking joke.
verb, My students complain I fuck around too much.
adverb He fucking killed him.
and noun. Why they fuck am I writing about this anyways?

And I didn't even delve into the wonders of phrases featuring fuck such as Fuck up, Fuck Off, Motherfucker, fuckin' a etc.

Anyways they gave me the sack too. I guess I was too real for them.Which brings me to my last student.
I began teaching this student as a preparation for her study abroad experience next year. I found out that she would be studying at my Alma Mater, Temple University. What a Koinky Dink! I used the class as a chance for her to practice her e-mail writing skills seeking out roommates on the social networking site Facebook, applying for jobs found on the classified site Craigslist, and teaching her how to write a bullshit cover letter and resumé worthy of Websters. I felt I was being an impromptu ambassador for Temple University. Some of her biggest worries were about the violence, and large Indian population that plagues the school. I allayed her fears by telling her that she comes from Rio, I don't think Philly can compare, (sorry homicide rate of the city of brotherly love but you just can't hold a flame to a cidade maravilhosa) and the Indians are nice and just a little cliquey is all. I thought everything was going on well until last week in class she seemed particularly inattentive. Let me back up a minute, we had run into each other at bars around the city from time to time and I was introduced to her clean-cut boyfriend and was affable with the both of them. In fact these were of the times when a few drinks had allowed her to let her hair down a little from the bun of the uptight, nervous wreck of an individual that she truly is. So I told her that she would need to bring a bottle of tequila to class so that she could speak as boisterously as she was outside of it. So when after class last week I saw her talking to my boss with a combined look of disdain and distress ( when the dis- prefix comes up, look out) I knew something was awry. I got call yesterday, and my boss said she needed me to come in to talk to her tomorrow. She might as well had told me that I was getting the boot right over the phone and spared me the formality of entering that peculiar smelling commercial office building in which they work out of. Anyways I could read the look on her face that something was fucked up. So she explained that of the 5 students that I had at the school all of them had fired me for varying reasons. I said I didn't know exactly how to explain it, but hey, shit happens. In fact I believe it has something to do with the management and the fact I never felt comfortable on the proverbial unsteady ground of the school. Anyways this last redundancy was the most odd of all as the student had called me lazy both in and outside of class, be that as it may, she continued, saying she had felt violated. I thought to myself, wow this girl never seemed that interested in the English class, nor going to the United States, and here because I'm lazy she has brazenly gone on to say she felt violated. I didn't know what to say, I told my boss I was sorry it didn't work out and that I would come back later to have a chat with her. As I was getting up to leave she continued to express her shock from the whole situation and as I work down the street with her boyfriend and I have a full roster of students with no complaints why was my record so abysmal at her school. She explained to me that she was particularly bothered by the fact my student had felt I had hit on her. My jaw dropped. I've never hit on a single student of mine...consciously. I've figured it would complicate matters to an unbearably awkward situation to flirt with a student, so I've refrained from it entirely. Not to say that the opposite hasn't occurred, where a student has not so subtly hit on me! Anyways I was completely flabbergasted as to how she could have thought that I was hitting on her. I went back in my head retracing my educational steps, remembering greeting her and her mother as "lindas" when they gave me a ride, inviting her out to a class outing and she assumed that I was asking her and her alone out for a date, sitting next to her as I almost exclusively use my laptop in class utilizing the plethora of materials available on the Internet, and I aggravated the situation most recently by presenting a list of relationship related phrases that can be particularly nettlesome for learners of the English language. Anyways I guess that was the straw that broke the camels back and she fired me. Oh well, she gives her self too much credit.